Hard Conversations Infused with Love

By Rev. Chris Jorgensen

February 21, 2021

Video of the entire service: https://www.facebook.com/hanscomparkchurch/videos/1162165267537033

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Well, this sermon series seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, it is really, truly, liturgically appropriate to have a Lent sermon series called “Do Better.” Lent is about repentance, about turning back toward God and one another. It really is about doing better. I mean, giving up chocolate for Lent is fine (especially if every time you don’t pick up that chocolate, you are reminded of the God for whom you fast.) If you are a chocoholic, that’s actually a great spiritual practice. It will keep you very mindful.

But also, Lent is much more serious than chocolate. Lent is about giving up sin and brokenness however you participate in it, so that you can be who God calls you to be, and so that we can make this world what God dreams it to become. That’s why I chose to develop this sermon series where we have are going to have all these hard conversations so that we can do better – not just at not eating chocolate – but at talking about things that are deep sources of brokenness in our world.

As I said, it seemed like a good idea last month when I put the description in our paper newsletter. But every day between when I did that and today, I found myself feeling more and more worried. Because changing ourselves and the world in deep and meaningful ways requires hard conversations. That is scary.

two people having a conversation

Now, I’m going to use some “I” statements here, and you can decide whether this is true for you. I feel afraid when I am going to have a hard conversation – especially about the things we are exploring this season: racism and white supremacy, heterosexism and discrimination against LGBTQ people, ableism and discrimination against people with disabilities, and discrimination based on ethnicity and immigration status.

When I talk about these important issues, I feel afraid. I feel afraid of making people who disagree with me angry and uncomfortable because I said too much or was too direct. I feel afraid of disappointing people who generally agree with me because I said too little or wasn’t direct enough or didn’t say quite the right thing. I am afraid of using the wrong words when I speak about groups of people, of being unintentionally hurtful or discriminatory myself.

Maybe you have some of those same fears.

It really does make me want to say, “You know, never mind. Let’s talk about sheep some more.”

I guess I just want to start by saying that it’s hard and scary to have hard conversations about the brokenness of the world and the part we play in it. But even though it’s scary, I know we can do it. The reason I know that is because of Love.

I’ve never preached on Paul’s words about love to the Corinthians in a Sunday service before though I have read them many times at weddings. We often read these words only in the context of marital relationships. We think of two people entering into a partnership, and we remind them to be patient with one another. Don’t hold grudges, etc. It’s good advice really.

But reading this as marital advice misses the true context. This is not about marriage. It’s about how people can live in a community with and for one another. See, Paul is trying to help the good people of church at Corinth get along. There is a lot of conflict in the Corinthian community.

Here specifically, Paul is addressing this: some folks have been thinking they are better than others because they have special spiritual gifts. Some have the gift of speaking in tongues. Some have Paul’s favorite gift of prophecy. Some are exceedingly generous in sharing their possessions.

Paul definitely thinks those things are good. Those are all good gifts. What is not so good is that the people who have these gifts consider themselves better than the other community members. In their minds, they’ve created a hierarchy of who is a first-class citizens and who is second-class citizen of the beloved community. Paul says this is not okay.

He talks about this with those famous opening lines to this reading, “If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels but do not have love, I am but a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” Paul’s saying, “Even if I have great gifts (which I do),” because Paul is not exactly humble. He says, “Even if I have great gifts, if I do not have love, I’m worse than useless. I’m actually a detriment, a harm, to the community. My gifts are nothing if I don’t employ them with love.”

Paul is clear in this passage: the most important thing any person can possess is love. He ends this section, “Now faith, hope, and love abide, these three, and the greatest of these is love.” Love is the most important gift. That’s because God is love. When we love, we are somehow participating in the nature of God. 

Paul also always has his eye toward the eschatological. That means he’s always looking to the future: toward the end of all time when creation is restored to the way God desires it to be. In this section where he says “love never ends,” he means that at the end of all things, when all of creation is perfectly as God would have it be, there will still be love. Love is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. And it is everything in between.

Love moves us to begin have these hard conversations.

The perfection, the fullness of God’s love here on earth, is where we are going.

And the way we get there is love.

So let’s start at the beginning. Love is the beginning. In order to have these conversations, we ground ourselves in God’s love. We believe that God loves us so much that we can make mistakes and still be loved. We can get our feelings hurt and still be loved. Because we are so centered in God’s love for us, we can hear hard truths. Even when we feel a bit bruised by them, we can pick ourselves up, remind ourselves of God’s grace and mercy and forgiveness, and keep having those conversations. Because we know God loves us, we can have hard conversations and trust we are still loved – even when we are uncomfortable. Even when we make mistakes.

Love is also the beginning in another sense because we realize that God doesn’t just love me – or just love you as an individual. But God loves all of us and every person. God loves folks who are like me and who are not like me. And, if God’s love for others is the same as God’s love for me, then I can’t be satisfied with my privileges and advantages. I can’t be satisfied when the world is still shaped in ways that make it easier for white people to thrive or make it easier for heterosexual couples to thrive or make it easier for people who are able-bodied to thrive or make it easier for American citizens to thrive. If I truly believe that God loves every person just like God loves me, then it is that love that moves me to want to share my privilege with others.

Love is the beginning.

Love is also the way. Again, Paul is clear here: acting with love is the only way to move the world from its present brokenness to the fullness of love. The reason I talked with the kids about praying for your enemies is that when we have hard conversations, we need to ground ourselves in love. I think prayer does that. I know we all like to pretend we don’t have enemies. I know I hate to call anyone my enemy. So, let’s maybe ratchet that down just a notch. Let’s maybe just talk about people we find it hard to love.

Here’s an example. This is fictional. It is not based on a real person. Say you are going to Thanksgiving dinner. Well, at Thanksgiving dinner, Uncle Silas is going to be there. And Uncle Silas loves to talk about politics…and it just so happens that you and Uncle Silas disagree about everything when it comes to politics. So you’re getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner, and you’re praying, and you’re like “Dear God, please don’t let me have to sit next to Uncle Silas at dinner!”

I will tell you that that is a legitimate prayer – it’s always okay to be honest and lay out our desires before God. But what might happen, if before Thanksgiving Dinner you also prayed this? “Dear God, please bless Uncle Silas. He is your beloved child, just like I am. And I know he’s had some struggles this year since Aunt June died. Please wrap him up in your comfort, and help me to encounter him with love.”

Do you think that might make a difference when you see Uncle Silas at Thanksgiving? I believe it would.

So as we have these hard conversations, I invite you to pray for the people you might disagree with. Friends, even your big-mouth pastor with all of her strong opinions is a person with fears and frailties and struggles. I ask for your love as we have these conversations, and I promise you that I will seek to ground myself in love for you every week when I step in the pulpit.

Love is going to be the way we do this. So if you get into a Grow Group, and someone is really ticking you off, I ask you to pray for them. Remember to see them as a human like you with fears and frailties and struggles. That doesn’t mean you can’t be honest in those groups – I think honesty is absolutely necessary. I am not asking you to hold back from sharing your truth when you talk, but I am literally asking you to pray for those who irritate you – with hopes that it will help you listen with an open heart.

Love is the way.

Finally, love is the end. The only reason we even bother to have hard conversations is to make the world a place of love and abundance for all people. As Christians, we cannot accept the brokenness of systems that privilege one group of people over another. We can’t accept any system that piles resources on the already comfortable and lets poor and vulnerable folks fend for themselves. We can’t accept any system that tells one beloved child of God that they are less worthy than any other.

Not only are we required to speak against such brokenness, we are required to do something about it. We are required to be a part of the movement from brokenness to wholeness, from hate to love. As Christians, when we move in the direction of the fullness of love and abundance for all people, we believe that we are moving in the direction God desires for us and the world.

It is the only reason we are here. To start with love, to live in love, and to work for the fullness of God’s love for all people.

I’m going to be honest. I would not even bother having these hard conversations if I did not believe it was possible for us to be part of moving the world to be a more loving, inclusive, and just place. It’s that hope that makes it worth the risk. I mean, just imagine it.

Imagine how beautiful it will be when the evils of racism and heterosexism and ableism and xenophobia are stamped out. Just think how beautiful it will be when people of all ages and races and ethnicities and sexual orientations and gender identities and classes and even – yes – political persuasions can gather in communities that truly see, hear, love, respect, and celebrate one another in all our glorious differences.

We can be part of that healing of the world. We can be the bearers of God’s dream. We can move toward the fullness of love that is promised. 

It will be hard, and it will be worth it.

Thanks be to God.

Amen.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

1) Pastor Chris notes that one of the reasons we can have hard conversations and change is that we believe God loves us even when we make mistakes and need to grow. On a scale of 1-10, how sure are you that God loves you even when you make mistakes? How do you think you might become more trusting in God’s love? How do you think trusting that you are loved by God might change your ability to talk with people with whom you disagree?

2) Pastor Chris shares some of the things she’s afraid of when she talks about racism and white supremacy, heterosexism and discrimination against LGBTQ people, ableism and discrimination against people with disabilities, and discrimination based on ethnicity and immigration status. When you think about talking about those things, what fears do you have? Are they the same fears as Pastor Chris? Are there other fears you have about having hard conversations?

3) Have you ever prayed for someone who is “your enemy” or who made you angry or irritated you? Did it make a difference in the relationship?

4) Using Pastor Chris’s prayer as a model, write a prayer for someone you find it hard to love.

“Dear God, please bless ________________________________. _______________ is your beloved child, just like I am. And I know ___________________’s had some struggles this year with _________________________________________________________. Please wrap ___________ up in your comfort, and help me to encounter ______________ with love.”

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